kid marvel

my formidable marvel & gp / dvd collection (everything from merciless dictatorships to environmental pollution, child abuse, empires and kingdoms, indigenous cultures, weapons of mass deception, bush-ology, queer, straight and transgender ideology, extraterrestial life, hollywood and holocaust, cubism, lennon, democracy, drugs and sex, animal testing, genetic patent(ing), commerce and contamination, adverts and sexploitation, pandemics, haiku, endangered animals, gandhi, princess di & pol pot ) grows bigger each day. just made a vintage gambit and grouchy looking man-thing engage in battle while magneto and doc-oc stand bochap by the shelves. both grin in despicable delight. they will join my home collection in 2 weeks and start an orgy of laser beams, force fields, power blasts and brainy kicksmarts to come...yeah!

10 minute vision

i did say we boarded a chopper, didn't i? a side offering of the great ocean drive that i took family along...

and the view from the cockpit just underneath a canvas of space. the white winds and blue surfs of sky. nothing but miles of land and ocean. hard to believe i was right there, almost touching the tip of a continent.

i look back and see the weeks ending. all too soon. gone so soon. still, the vision is pure; the height and depth of my thanksgiving.

a home to belong

family visited for the week. it is good to travel again and see the years of common growth and conflict maturing into a kind of richness & quiet depth i cannot find elsewhere. some say we can choose our friends but not our family. leunig once penned these thoughtful lines in one of his collection: 'Love one another and you will be happy. It is as simple and as difficult as that. There is no other way.' indeed, there is no other way. seems like a constraint on the surface but a decision and a necessary commitment, for a lifetime. it's a daily miracle i have learnt to behold and treasure on my hands.

it speaks for all families. given, gifted, happened indeed. the first face of the beloved and of God for me.

my best memories of the many trips we took: sis, children and me playing & scattering autumn leaves on a wide expanse of grass...dad , sis , ig & myself boarding a chopper overseeing the ocean, veron feeding wild parakeets in the rain and mom finally, learning to see. another picture of autumn- blessing the days that went by so swiftly. and yet, are there to stay.

some portions of our lives will require us walk a road we would rather not go. but there is only one way, and no other. there is little else to do except to stretch out your hands and be willing to be led. i'm glad i did, and was given a grace to follow through.

retracing

and bearing the silence, you hear your name. spoken in time, and pushed back again. there is only so much left to say. polite talk takes us nowhere. i thought once was enough. and then, it came back and the haunt begins . this grieving must stop. get back on feet. will afford to have less. not the first time. i will be ok.

waiting once...

Tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all...

lord alfred tennyson

one breath

a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Star Wars 30th Anniversary

As reported in www.starwars.com: hardcore fans converged at the LA Convention Centre to celebrate the 3oth anniversary of Lucas' smash hit. On the first day of the event, thousands gathered to sit through a screening of all 6 Star Wars films, prequels and all, a full 17 hours...dressed as their favourite characters. Wished i was there... :( yoda seems to be reminiscing to luke...












How could we ever forget?


Characters...




Fighters and Starships




and more to come...

life-passage

drew this on a retreat some years back...do i still remember my story?

poem on my wall

wolf & francis

kieran shared 2 paintings with me. am reminded of the life of st francis of assisi (1182-1226) who influenced my early understandings about creation, God and humanity during the childhood years...

banished and feared. you walked untouched among people. the villagers ready to greet you with clubs, spikes and spears. your grey fur catching the remnant-cold of country rain as you hide among cliffs. bruised by hunger, you wonder why created order became so cruel when you merely hunted what you sought and ate what you could. the fire people threatened the forest with greater rage. the growl hides your helplessness. your cornered curl of lips and sharp jawed inner pain.

one day, a brown man came. browned by the sun and earth, his garments a torn reflection of God-given joyful poverty. francis his name. francis, a name bearing the scent of pine and humble humid soil, in letters so near to Christ's. he bent low, those eyes you can't forget. utter trust. a freeing vulnerability before Creator-Lord who brought us into being. a simple heart that reaches out to your own. unafraid. he stayed the night with me. metres away. humble lowly francis couched among the trees, praying. smiling from a distance as he looked into me. renaming my savagery.

the villagers departed that day, content to let me be. i was only a fractured reflection of their own absence, abusive cruelty. francis came back and touched me. and i licked his warm calloused hand. the morning light bearing grace. presence of life made whole. i ran back to the far forests of my food and dream. and looked back one final time and saw one villager with francis. the browned friar always knew. he turned and blessed my name.
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----from the life of st francis of assisi (1182-1226)

www.conservation.catholic.org/st_francis_of_assisi.html

water-colour paintings by kieran choy, singapore. first icon from website.

unlike any other pears

french pear. sweet as sin. sinfully sweet. two for AUD one fifty. sold exclusively.

dr octavius and magneto

dr octavius and magneto confront the alien object that had just landed on earth's tabletops. octavius's near adamantium claws pince and nudge the foreign substance for any sign of ultimate threat while magneto discovers that he cannot lift the organic lifeform because it possesses no metallic properties at all.

the two villains will soon depart for singapore. joining the battle with omega-red, ultron, bullseye, sabretooth, loki and blackheart against hulk-maestro and the sentinel. the x-men and avengers have since joined the fray. watch this space...the confrontations to come-

x-men roll call: angel, beast & nightcrawler

avengers roll-call: dr strange, hawkeye, captain america & thor

to 04A02...artwork by seok.

parenting these ashes

hele who attended james' funeral penned this reflection when she had to scatter her parents' ashes to the sea, days after...



Today, my family sent the remains of our parents into the waters. It rained today but stopped when we were at Marina Pier at 3pm. It was a short ride out to the waters off Katong. A part of me felt I let my parents “down” for not caring enough to place them in the church columbarium. And yet, another part of me felt it was best for their remains to return to the waters …

I revealed to my family today of the purchase of my home. No reaction from them except a sense of relief that I have found my apartment. I begin to see that my sister has no perception of the hurt she has rendered … a possibility that she does not have the intention to hurt as I perceived or she is so self-centered that her consciousness is veiled. Eddie, I see that my life still goes on, with or without their understanding … but my acceptance is the first base of surviving through a grief. To wait and to want an apology … but how can that be if the person is not even aware of how the words spoken were hurtful … is utterly useless way to live my life. God has worked within me to realize that no matter who is the giver or the receiver of a hurt...the one given the grace of insight and of reflection must accept and move on … with God's given grace to forgive. So I did, today … Much that is given by Him, Much is to given to the other … I see today for me the suffering, the death, and the resurrection movements of my being in these episodes with my family … I was reluctant and yet He poured silent graces to help me through … to see this: my salvation from Him. In all, my purification journey moves on … As I carried the remains of my mother which was wrapped in a white cloth and then placed in an ordinary medium-sized plastic bag … This was a person of whom I still have memories of … “not so good ones” … feelings for … “not so good ones too” … reduced to bones to be emptied into the waters. The two funerals of Irene and James also reflected to me how “little” I gave to my father and my mother for their funerals … how “rich” was the giving of the communities of Irene and James because of the friendship which bonded the people. Today, I felt the poverty between my parents and my self. Today, I see my own poverty and am ready to surrender all, indeed all, to God.

---- published with permission---

a quiet space - for matthew

your names came before the memories; charmaine, kevin, momo. james. tricia-gloria. uncles ric & adrian. grandfather. roderick. matthew. uncle & aunty yee. you're that one life, waking. entwined among other lives. the gentle hold of faith, breaking its hands. the sudden death and illness that took you away.

i remember my jc classmate, matthew whom we had to carry on wheelchair. there were 6 boys in the class. 5 of us held up your chair, and you, thin and frail but present in spirit. too weak to retort, still you fought forever to be irreverent , cheerful. relishing the good memory of sports and games we once played... our indulgent selves then- competing for history, your eventual bated curse that i had the same grade in econs as you. that fateful day in march. we no longer know how exactly to relate home to someone who used to call the shots. our smiles were warm but heavy. the 5 of us carrying your wheechair, then laying you on your bed. feebly, you took the straw. rosemary helped you with soup. if friendship has a sound to its name, these drops of silence would have echoed the presence and sharings we kept; a quiet bond, beyond compassion... we stood before your coffin months later, disbelief, before you who left us for good. you were the one who kept the class together, free car-rides in every gathering, way before we got our license. you squeezed as many of us into your car before u sped us from city to home. that was how important class reunions are, for you. everyone mattered. especially our gang. on the day of your funeral, we stood awashed, renewed in rain and memory. edgar read the euology. 'asshole...bastard...shakespeare, moonie-moons, prom and wrestlemania, my f9 in chinese, LA gear, winnie's ostrich legs, mindy oh so confusing, that walking pimple, imagining scotty saunders spouting hokkien expletives, anybodee wanna slap de costa(?), wang mang the play, gp debates. your fav ms tan chee chian (!!!), indus valley, manbir's pose, pe with ms 'ecstasy' , 6pm captain balls then KFC and other more than perfect competitions' - terms and words u used to called us all into being, into affection, never sounded so painful the hour that day. later, i saw your coffin enter the furnance. we were only 24 then. we walked out, speechless, empty. guowei kicked a tuft of grass that stood in his way, preferring to walk back on his own. still, 2 other cars drove us home. you wouldn't want us to be stranded or lost.
we still recollect u, matthew... when we gather these days, rare as it seems: ms yeow, tiansin, eddie, guowei, edgar, yuanbiao. 3 teachers, 1 VP, another in foreign service, your best pal in consultancy. you missing, among the gathering. made present when we smile & claim back your name.

as i speak, the ashes in air scatter, then gather, becoming whole & white again, like doves soaring, beyond the plains and grass we once played, near once more, on heaven's shore.

lao zi puo chan & tio or kong

puo chan: bankrupt

tio or kong: kena fine (hokkien, vernacular)

not my day.

sun ( i forgot the date): found myself locked out of my apartment. key inside. either i bunk over at friend's place or wait till the next day. but pc was on and there was work to be done. called locksmith. $AUD99, just to open the *^%$##$^%^ door. no thanks, mate! put down the phone. paced the corridor. called again. negotiate. but it's a sun rate. no change. sorry mate. came in half an hour. wallet burnt. paid. now finding ways to graft keys permanently to my sssskinnnn.

tues (today): cycled to church. cycled on footpath. locked my bike. 2 policemen came. asked for my id. i gave. against the rules to cycle on footpaths. then there were others who were doing so. footpath, definitions please? huh. is it? but, i never saw a rule about that, mate. A &**^%^$&*((%$%%!! exchange. i kinda lost. may be issued a fine. i will wait. return to police HQ. no, i won't pay that kind of fine.

tues (again): typing this and quoting some book. a freshly brewed cup of coffee. placed my texts on a nook. down they fell. coffee spilled. on my jeans, on my notes,on the carpet, staining the tabletops. and the smell. G^%$$&*(()()))$$####%$%%%%%%^&!!@#@. the whole corridor could hear me f......................errrrm....frown. just not my day. wah lao ehhhh......................be still. be still. all is good. all shall be well...be still...................peace.................................

wo de jia

another bout of autumn rain quenching the drought, recalling...

i see these pictures of a faraway home and think of kit chan's song.

jalan remaja, hillview ave.

tracks, mrt. jurong east.

pioneer fields

a college running track

p/s: is anyone able to email me an mp3 file of her english & mandarin versions?

fog in the morning

it was the same sight i saw when i first arrived last july. the heart of urban winter, the start of a journey. it comes full circle today. the near-beginning of winter, the coming end of the same journey. tilting at nine degrees.



it takes awhile to befriend the fog. the grey whorls of unclarity hides what's merely metres ahead. familiar sights are blocked from view and sometimes one has little access to what we yearn to see. but wait a while longer and the fog takes on its own beauty. an invitation to wrap oneself in cosy blankets or to cusp a warm cup of aromatic coffee. the streaks of black birds cutting the citylines. a single drop of dew on single leaves. wetness on the morning sky. the heavy yoke and gentle smoke of fog. rest in the guise of perplexity, loss, and its witness to new births.