arte

two endgifts received from friends-pat, as always, timed her painting to arrive from s'pore just when i was about to leave for home. it speaks alot to the closures i've been making. the reflections made. coming through a forest, darkening but surely, a darkness that is freeing. she knows where we've been. received this emblem of the good shepherd from calvin. a gift from the cathedral. jesus holding the lamb, framed by the vine and branches. the cross, a sacrifice. the lamb, each other, family, friends even our faith...to be blessed, held, cared for , then set free to give life to others. much like, teaching as a vocation. a meditation on john 15: 1-17. and john 10: 14-16. Word of God, with me since the beginning of life... Cross of Christ challenging and guiding us for a lifetime.

it's over now

sheer relief. pain relieved. forty-three pages and 6 pages more of appendices. eight thousand and seventy-eight words. one hundred and seventy three references. 4 months of exhausting mental sweat, laborious research and energetic intellect invested in a long drawn essay self-contained , made compact inside a thumb-drive. held to the point of my fingertip. i have to do well for this. hopefully, my 4th first class high distinction grade, well, then, maybe. never been so ambitious before but that is what the last lap can do to you. you go all the way and want nothing but gold. bankrupt because of 30k. i desire something back. anyway, it was my final paper. the joy was almost explicit. walked to library with 2 bagful of books. 15 kg? some had stayed with me since the start of term. i was getting sick of them. familiarity breeds contempt. flung them across the counter with great grace. the librarian gave a knowing smile. we had a thorough chat. she too had finished her last assignments. again, our smiles met. we blinked. instinctively.



these bagfuls of books. i mined them till there were no more theories left to shred. still, some degree of cheeky intelligence got me through the rest. i dunno what the next days are going to be like. pete and cj flying in at 445am tonite. got xiang to allow me to bunk over her place and catch the airport shuttle to tullamarine. shoulders feel light. feel like running another mile. will head to the snowfields this sun and complete the four seasons of childhood fun we've all been waiting for. another thanksgiving prayer on the way.

windstorms, bkc and a movie: sydney

over in sydney last weekend...

a good break of sorts. the first night was blunted by gale storms. bought books and stayed indoors to read. there was only so much one can do inside a hotel room. i had to walk out after 5 chapters and a page. umbrella got shredded apart. i learnt to lean on my windbreaker instead. footsteps impeded by wind and rain. shoes and socks, wet. slept with winds hissing outside my window. raindrops pattering till dawn. next day, managed to meet up with writer boey kim cheng for coffee. his friends call him kim. i followed suit. shared about family, travel, life, teaching and poetry. his latest collection too and a collection of prose to be published in singapore soon. he remembered pjc. said he returned to singapore last dec. and was invited to share some of his works with other jcs here. pioneer left an impression which others did not: our students were somewhat more keen, engaging, appreciative and humble than the rest he said. i beamed with pride. we also managed to catch one of the most original movies i've watched this year...paris je'taime. a french-english montage of stories about people falling, journeying, making, rediscovering, tolerating, feasting, breaking, living, sensing love. in paris, city of lights, mythical city of that one lost elusive emotion we call love. this film took me beyond the realm of emotion. it taught and showed much. love beyond its cloying sweetness. love in all its groundedness. i remember the new scents emitted from those short confectionary of stories. some are multilingual yet every piece is woven by a common language we are all familiar with. my fav. piece involved a blind lad and his galfren. cut-throat narrative, a heartfelt poem in voice and visuals. there were others of equal worth and dignity - man and mamasan, papasan and his apparent lass, art and artist, young and old, adult and teenager, married and/or divorced, fidelity and promiscuity, parent and child, straight and /or gay, strangers and friends, muslim and non-believer (or so we thought), migrant and immigrant, mortal and immortal, a communal solitaire, near east and distant west, between life, beyond death...many big names and some directors contributed their creative thought to this quiet masterpiece: elijah wood, natalie portman, gerard depardieu, juliette binoche, the late oscar wilde (haha) and even wes craven (!). an ethereal voiceover song from faye wong's tian kong took my head off my neck! kim sniggered. i laughed my heart out and almost broke my seat for that one postmodern piece. so darn intelligent and yet so subtle on its intent. the entire ensemble was always celebratory and elegiac in form. a rare vintage of fluid thought, self contained visions and miniature portions of truth. i wished every take became a portrait or book i could take home or share in a literature classroom. i will watch it again. it has too much to teach. and many chapters to share. still, more doors to be opened. paris je'taime... > 12 characters. 12 lives. one common road. one film.