secondwalks to melbourne

i landed on the wee hours of 23rd friday morning and pounded the day on my own. carting my 3 sets of luggage from airport all the way to leicester street...it was quieter this time round- walked past my old apartment to collect old mail and abit of the past caught up with me...how i first settled in and the special people who made a difference in almost everything...thanks to the 4 who went to the airport to bless and send me. a far quiet from last year. certain of my own road this round.

0630 - 0900: coolie-work basically. lugging, pushing, dragging

o900 - 1030: handling lease for new apt. unpacking, unwrapping, thinking much about the year that passed. bikes looks as good as ever. unmolested. smells of distant days and not wanting to re-arrange the way everything had looked and had been. that red-haired agent was less of a bitch this time, what marvel! Sheer grace!

1030-1230: back on uni grounds. collecting new student card. signing up for modules. staring at wide-eyed undergrads who walked aimlessly and sought shade under trees.

1230-1330: made my way to St Francis for thanksgiving mass. old brown pews. where i used to pray. knocked off and slept during homily. i bounced my head several times staying alert only during consecration. The Lord understands. short span of sleep onboard cramped qantas jet getting into me.

1330-1230: i haven't ate. went to qv market nonetheless. a warm familiar sight. i did something sad. still bought fresh food as if i was still cooking for more than one person. scaling down this time. a whiff of the second past catching up with reluctant me.

1230 - 4pm: got ensnared by helen and helped out at faculty postgrad tea. well, i went there for a free lunch honestly! sushi, crackers, pizzas, scones and cheapo me. deans, sub-deans and faculty managers giving talks and informal sharing. except for helen, they will not be seen for most of the term anyway. it happened last year. political 'niceties'. for show only. ha ha.

4pm-7pm: walked and cycled from chew's place to mine. 2-3 times, i supposed. i carted what was leftover from last year and walked the city with a standing fan in hand, then cycled with a pail-ful of condiments, cloths and detergents. no one looked. no one really bothered. that's melbourne for you. a freeing sense of detachment everywhere. do what pleases you and don't tell me how to run my life. period.

7pm-midnight: sorted my studio-apt further. blessing the surroundings and befriending the solitude. i switched off the tv and radio, like the scenes before me. the view of the city and the far-off hills. a lone flag on a pole. my nose acting out. watery blues. insufficient sleep. and i only had 2 bananas for lunch and dinner. prayed the Word and the Lord rested me. i slept in well-deserved peace.

everything

am also glad i made the decision to return home during the summer break. i have received so many opportunites to touch base with relationships that matter to me, the circles of goodwill and support that continue to see me through every phase of my journey. being apart has taught me to be much more present to the 'moments', conscious that i waste precious energy brooding about the past and imagining a hollow formless future. and there have been more than a handful of perfect moments to savor, in the days to come. i'm alive, simple as it is...alive to sense, see and to feel. the element of self-care is there even though there will be some days when i have to sit through the dryness and own the feeling it brings. still, feelings pass, and are passing. to you who have taught me to be present and be conscious of how life and how splendid a simple day or moment can be...thank you!

my family. for giving and sharing. every blessing. everything.

to ken, ed, karen, sam, greg, cons, john; macritchie runs, $7 Filipino meals, bumboats and car-rides, cloister-chats, cosy silence shared...you are next to family.

boon, keong, cj, pete, chris&cons, shari, rena, hele, seth, viv, rockies; the food-booze, THAT new-year's eve trip to (???), bollywood veges, hiking up changi point, chasing sunsets & strobe lights, our walks down the lawn cemetery...another flight to nowhere, teochew steamed fish and great goose meat. porridge with rockets. notes on a simple life. celibate days. marry?!?! what marriage?!?!?!

sister chris, canossian community and kids & staff at Beyond FSC...opportunities to know i can live with much less, teach like i've never done before. and find rest in your childhood dreams.

04a02 and lit class of 2005 , 03A04, 06s11, 06a02...for insisting. for remembering. reliving. faithful. gratitude and thanksgiving from me too.

ziz and kieran...running and movie mates...the art lessons that freed me. one single day made whole.

colleagues and friends...nik, den, lai kuan, lok and lin...fish balls, egg tarts and drunken chicks. mud pies and mozarella slings. wait for my pay-cheque. i'll be back!