market tidings

Q V market was bustling with movments, scents, textures and tastes today. I like the art of beetroots- a thick combination and swirl of mud, soil, stringy stalks finished with a red bulb at its end. Botanical works.

Returning brought back many seasoned memories of place. We were immediately drawn by the plants on sale. I bought fresh gum leaves for the house. They add much needed and thoughtful sculptures to place. Obtained the airplants for my room. Cons made the choice picks. The lull of colours and petals were too tempting to be dismissed. Such succulent plants grow well in winter. They last really long even though winter seems like a dead season, dry and cold. Even plants learn to rediscover life through death.

I reaped a good harvest with the following dishes yesterday: asam pedas with mullet, green curry with beef and fresh basil, greek salad with pine nuts, honey-drizzled wings and roasted chicken sandwiches...I used to be cynical over pre-packed stocks but have since undergone a conversion of tummy and heart!

Much self-integration has been happening inside me, alot of inner-work sensed and forged from within. The quiet helps me to reassess my basic priorities in life: what i live for, what sustains my beliefs, the art of believing. The lifeworlds i earnestly seek and would even risk for.

Going within. Pope John Paul II once said that 'the longest journey is the journey inward.' Some spend their entire lives pursuing this vocation. Some never do and may spend the rest of their daylight hours working toward a peace that eludes them till today. By night, some of us slip away only to become watchful insomnaics over ourselves and not for others. Yet others learn to find the friend within. A few discover both after a lifetime of trust and faithful prayer.

There is some similarity between the noise of the marketplace and the inner turmoil that is fueled by speed and restlessness. Yet the Spirit goes where it wills, letting us know that"God pours gifts on his beloved while they slumber." (psalm 127:2)

I like that line. Solace, comfort and self-surrender all contained within a verse, a meditation on trust.

lines written in soft warm winter mornings
(w. wordworth)

Gee i dun miss home at all. These past few days move and pass like a dream. I am very well looked after, here under God's watchful care. Health is fantastic and pace of life has slowed down considerably... Little kid brother adrian has been a seriously good flat mate. No aka 'Tiwary' conflicts yet, thanks to the brutal honesty and accomodating selves we both share. But seriously considering the fact that we hardly knew each other before this, the trust and mutual respect we have for each other has been really good.

Met Constance today and am inviting her over to dinner tomorrow. I was at Queen Vic market this morning feeling natural, still and free... and had plenty of fun scouting the stalls on my own for choice basil, eggplant, pinenuts and olive oil...The stuff isn't cheap and i have developed a vigilant eye for quick discounts and fast reductions as the hour stretches to a close everywhere around that galactic market. Then it's home to stock up the groceries, all the while learning to conserve loose scraps of newpapers to keep veges crisp & fresh. Am excited to cook for Cons tomorrow. We intend to visit the Uni, finally (!)..........before heading home for dinner. My culinary experiments have been working well...and hey, I can cook incredibly well..ahem! The 2 of us have so far hosted 2 other mutual friends over for dinner (all thanks to Chris' networking) and had a fantastic blueberry pie and fine sherry over freezing (8 degrees) st kilda's beach last night. Ric, my Filipino friend has also invited us to a KTV session with the local cath group this sun. I'm taking it!

University has yet to start so i wont know how my schedule will change. But i'm living in simplicity and awareness each day that i have to be responsible over my outlook and self-care (everything from morning / evening prayer to dabbing layers of yeeky moisturiser on my face and ankles each day- thanks to face-repair-upkeep-reinforcement (note i refuse to use the word 'beauty') tips and formidable supplies (olive, butternut and ginger...i have everything to start a new organic plantation on my crinky face!) from Nikki, Betty, Ai Hua and Viv. S11's twin-br0s big bird bolster (whoever's reading this from the class pls inform them!) pampers the neck but i have yet to try cousin's vibrating pillow!!! Seetha's radio-clock lulls me to bed each night.

The household chores are easy to complete. It seems the years of harsh attendance at home and NS have finally bore fruit in terms of good and fair duty to my new home. Simply keeping the place clean, daily reading the Word, taking the clothes in when the cold drizzle rains lightly on the balcony...even thanking God for whoever invented the portable heater. I have a picture of all inside my room all arranged in the form of a Cross. It is here that i make a daily commitment to remember everyone when i pray.

Thank you people (kin, apprentice and folk alike)... for sustaining and blessing me with your prayers. Seems our Lord has ordained me to be here and breathe, a new found natural spirit i've been waiting, for all this while...

Just heard there has been a terrorist attack in India. Need to keep updated on happenings elsewhere. Freedom can also be a form of hedonism and I'm afraid this new found space will replace the my habitual need to be rooted to movements and tensions occuring miles and oceans away from my present world.

These words from Dag Hammerskjold bear careful reflection even as we go on living our everyday commonplace lives...

"A modest wish: that our doings and dealings may be of a little more significance of life than a man’s dinner jacket is to his digestion. Yet not a little of what we describe as our achievement is, in fact, no more than a garment in which, on festive occasions, we seek to hide our nakedness."

amen.

sunny wintry melbourne city

Chris and flatmate Adrian did every thing possible to make the transition easy for me. We managed to catch the World Cup Finals at the airport before leaving. Dark horse Italy emerged as champs, much to my delight and prophecy since i am no big expert on soccer itself. The flight was smooth and so were the customs. Met a melbournite onboard which amused and inspired me by her artwork but kept me wide awake as well even though i downed a flu tablet to knock my senses out! My luggage arrived pregnant as ever, with no slips or spills on the seams. Those chinese herbs and ginseng slipped through like water, and the burly aussie officers giving little problems to the perceived soil on my shoes, remnants of my last few runs along rural Singapore (check Pentecost).

These pictures speak for themselves. My nose is fine and so is my skin. Your prayers must have worked becoz my sinus will be awashed in waterfall and skin would flake like crust in past winter experiences. My window of my 9th floor living room opens out to the sunset each evening. This is a long holiday for me. Can't believe i am not even keen to explore the city. Sleeping late, experimental cooking, cleaning the kitchen sinks, floorboards and rooms (much to Adrian's delight) and doing up all that is possible to make this a fresh habitat for the soul. Uni of Melbourne is just a street away but i am in no hurry to step on it. Constance will arrive this Thurs and we'll spend friday selecting the courses and settling with the university.

Banking, internet, mobile, rental, asian condiments, how stoves work, voltage, the winer blast, prayer and silence, first Mass at St Francis', reviewing SAF SOP aka houserules with Adrian, our fav. teochew mueh and teochew language, late night grocery shopping (to take in the discounts), expensive vegetables and first stirrings of wanting to cook artichoke (whoever said they were cheap!), warm morsals of vietnamese food (thanks for the treat Deacon Thinh!), laughter, home-cooked dinner with sardines, stir-fry kailan, braised pork neck and pumpkin at 8pm, easy honest company, cheap local red wine and friendship's fidelity...i'm happy and settled already...

To my brothers in common faith...Adrian, Thinh and Chris, Thank you.


p/s: my ex tenant has since been evicted from his room because of unruly behaviour...i shall spend this day infusing this empty space. watch this column for more updates... he he he

Pentecost

Holy Spirit, thank you for those moments,
moments that come unexpectedly
when I feel your presence around me.

Sometimes you are like a light breeze,
that rustles summer leaves
refreshing coolness in the heat.

Sometimes you are like the wind
so strong i stir like grass,
bending to the force of your love and calling.

I thank you, Lord
for these precious moments,
richly given to me,
many come suddenly, as gift.

I ask you Lord
stir me like shimmering grass
bend me like a river reed
to the voice and pathway you have set for me.


-vespers on the eve of my departure, still and alone (but not lonely) on a favourite running route

landing... to a new start-----------------------

Thanks to all who went all the way to the airport to bid me well. I carry with me a chocolate of blossoms, one soft cow, a vibrating pillow (!) one big bird forever stuck in a yellow bolster, one fighter jet, many memoirs, a giant cookbook, a photo frame, a classroom of menus to sustain me in the months ahead.

Some ask why I did not cry. It was difficult to cry. Hard to make myself cry. The more they teased, the more artificial it became to feel what i felt. And I stumped my feelings and moved with the motions. Self-ridicule was the best defense when faced with such scenarios. I said I was born without tear-ducts. Gordon imitated in goodwill what I used to tease them about seeing men cry in cinema, whenever sad movies tug their heart-strings. I wanted to execute John till this very day for making everyone shout ‘Mr Koh, Don’t go’ just outside the departure gates. The police almost sounded the security alert. In all, it was a chorus of fun and I know some meant it at heart…i take and receive your coming in heart and won't forget the words and wishes which helped me to make a start.

So were the items that came as precious gifts…the many big and special cards, the boxful layered coat of surprises which S11 gave me, hand-made chocolate blossoms from Jae and gang as well as Hidayah…(I finished it all for you dear!), Fengrui’s and Reg’s fighter jet, 06A02’s purple cow (why purple I wonder?), Sandra's anchor-frame reminding me what teaching is all about... and not forgetting my Ct class (04A02) book of self-made menus to keep me filled and hungry when nights get cold. Wenjie and Mermaid’s Big Bird all made the leaving a little easier to bear... i know which memories i'll hold on to when the day is complete. Not forgetting the words and quiet faith from my family & kin whom i'll miss the most.

Why didn’t I cry…? I wondered to myself…perhaps many tears have already been shed quietly, and on my own, in a quiet church, on a solo walk...way before today’s gathering and goodbye. In these moments, i uttered the same prayer of thanksgiving i have continually and faithfully said all these years of my life, that no paths will cross by mere coincidence or accident, that God has ordained these days to pass, these new ties to forge, this hour of gratitude and giving way before other days even began. I too am a grateful recepient of this grace...6 generations of students turning up before and at the airport to say goodbye, to standing on my own and seeing my usually stoic dad, mom, sis and aunts tear amid a throng of noise and encouragement from my close friends... it was a loud send-off with many lessons to bear...a deep-seated reminder of Your presence in my life, You watchful over my life, as always through people, places and moments which mark my existence from the very beginning.

I know I can well move on with the blessings everyone has given me. To my students and friends; you once said I brought you life. I now say you have returned me to Life...

I have and will walk into an empty room. It’s a small and modest one. But your love, goodwill and memory will once more, litter the spaces I will keep for you in many corners of my present life, in the fresh corners of my newfound place and the prayers which link us together at the start of each new day.