the deep blue cold
numbs the road
an invisible winter blows
a passing chill- a false witness
to that lone light whizzing by

a season's punishment
will suffice.

repeated returns,
back on track with those white lines of faith on the road
pointing some way home

still, it amounts to little else
nothing

but cold trails of ice

hardening the silence

to a forgotten prayer

"Our knowledge of God is paradoxically knowledge of him not of him as the object of our scrutiny, but of ourselves as utterly dependent on his saving and merciful knowledge of us. We know in and through ourselves in so far as his truth is the source of our being and his merciful love is at the very heart of our life and experience."

"And to try to be happy by being admired by men, or loved by women, or warm with liquor, or full of lust, or getting possessions and treasures: that turns you away, soon, from the love of God; then men, women and drink and lust and greed take precedence over God; and they darken his light...And then we are unhappy and afraid and angry and fierce, and impatient, and cannot pray, and cannot sit still. That is the bitter yoke of sin: and for this we leave behind the mild and easy yoke of Christ."

Thomas Merton 1915-1968

dear father merton,

your words cut like stone on the dry plains of my soul. a stark reminder of an unchanging reality which stands bare-naked like the land, in form, untinted, unmade, coarse and rocksolid core and contour placed against the unstinting blue, cold sky...it is an unpleasant sight, a vision i am not yet able to handle because i know so little and cannot handle much. i sometimes think i can handle no more than to question this deep injustice and grief welling from the depths of soul.

your sky is still shining, toward a glory i cannot find. your visual peace stings my eyes and takes away any sense of faith or remote hope harboured.

IN THE FACE OF DEEP LONGINGS

Lord, I come to You today less then willingly,for I feel torn within.
I feel these deep, deep urges,
these silent voices of my own restlessness
and its endless needs.

I see that I am pulled in more directions
than I would have thought possible.
I hear the raging seas that are as much a part of me
as the calm exterior others see.
I see that inner poverty and neediness
And weakness and shame are a real part of who I am.

My changing moods seem stronger than my resolutions.
My real hungers seem truer than my polite words.
I escape all clever definitions; I am not any one of my roles.
I seem a frustrating bundle of contradictions
even to myself.
I do not always feel good about my lot in life
and my soul echoes for faith in myself.
My comparisons are too many to name or number.
I wonder if I will ever sort outthe tangled threads of my life,
or stop wishing I were someone or someplace else.

Will I find someone or a hinge on a decision which can answer my numberless questions?

I long to see the face of a healer
who will take away my confusion,
make me feel good about myself, and tell me who I really am.

You are that healer.
For you, I hold no surprises.
Nothing in me shocks you or puts you off.
All that I feel or dream,or even fear to look at,
takes on a new beauty in Your eyes.

For You made me and everything in me.
And You are never ashamed of what your hands have made.

Help me to love me -with a patient and forgiving love,
with serenity and humour. And slowly,
under your gaze, I will see the truth -
that you made me wonderfully well,
and everything in me is precious and beautiful.

Thank You, Divine Designer, for making me what I am -
the wonderful, challenging mystery
you love to hide in.

- Joe Mannath in 'You surprised me' (adapted)


The gift of life is no less beautiful when it is accompanied by failure, sadness or weakness, hunger or poverty, rejection or handicap, loneliness and incompleteness. Indeed, at these times, human life gains extra splendour as it requires our special care, concern and reverence. Cardinal Terence Cooke