I felt a tug when i opened my blog today. I read the postings put up by former students who have embarked on other pathways in life. They popped by to wish me on teacher's day, an occasion which is not celebrated here in Australia. It's warms the heart to find familiar names and memories knocking on your door once more, a door you thought you wanted to shut tight long after the break was taken and accepted. Their names are clothed in recognition; a voice, a gesture, an unexpected remark
that lifted me momentarily from the humdrum of college life. I look back (now) with a wry sense of humour on the rougher moments of this vocation, when the temptation to cast it all away, with an air of indifference became undeniably strong and palpable. It drained to care, to bother, to advise, to lead. And some refused to listen and challenged you likewise to respect their search for space and freedom. There are few handful whom i shouted at and others whose work i penalized...and countless others who led me to greater patience and humility by the stories you told me. Exhausting as it is, teaching remains a vocation, a calling that i answered and never looked back. It was also a call i fought to defend, to nurture and to keep, from all other externalities that might have eroded what time and grace bestowed.What would you make of all the exam-taking, assembly monitoring, temperature-taking, work-chasing, endless marking, revising, periodic planning... when all else is over? Perhaps, nothing abides except the trails you've taken with your students, past landmarks and horizons both had wanted to seek within the short time you are called to journey together.
Towards the end of her life, Mother Teresa said something close to reconciling the distance and intimacy these experiences made-
"I must not attempt to control God's actions. I must not count the stages in the journey he would have me make. I must not desire a clear perception of my advance along the road. Nor know precisely where i am on the way to eternal life. I ask of him to make a saint of me, yet i must leave to him the choice of the means which lead to it."
I am no saint in the making. Yet my faith calls me to believe in the molding. I know, however that i'm on my way in arriving at a place of greater self-awareness, when the divergent options of life no longer stifle, when the incessant expectations others have no longer weakens, a time to come when we live fully in the present without fear of an unknown future.
The following note was given to my last CT class before i made plans to go away for a short time. It came alive for me today even in the midst of my composition.
I wish the same for all my students and friends who have walked a portion of our world with me. Thank you once more for your notes and lifelong affirmation. And today is the second day of spring...
------------------------------------------------- As promised, the following article is adapted from Paul Coelho...04A02, you ought to be familiar with this...
"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters- whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have been made complete.
Were you angry that your family did not work out the way you wanted it? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you abandon your faith? Squander your studies? Kicked away your plans? Have you climbed out of past failures or even a recent nightmare? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude may bear little fruit for everyone involved: yourself, your parents, your close friends, your best friends, your cousin, your siblings, your schoolmates, your teachers…everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed
will not return: we cannot forever be children, young adolescents, sons or daughters that feel guilt or rancor towards ourselves, our parents, or lovers who day and night relive an imaginary or real affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to take stock, recollect and remember. Sometimes, this may bring a blessing. At other times, it brings a tinge of pain or regret. Some require letting go of souvenirs, or to give a bit of our past, its tender moments away to orphanages or someone seeking another home (be it a place or in their hearts), or by giving life to someone by sharing a life experience you had. Not everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world. “What is essential is sometimes invisible to the eye”, a Little Prince once said. What goes on in our hearts, in letting go and taking stock of certain memories also mean making some room for other memories to take their place. And we go on & grow from there.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. There is a time for joy, and there is a time for grieving. Try and when you give, hard as it may be, do not expect anything in return. Do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again- the one
that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss or played well at a certain game: that may poison you, nothing else. There is a time to uproot. There will be a time to plant again.Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships or friendships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off lying in wait. Before a new chapter has begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Some things will remain irreplaceable and a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is necessary knowledge in becoming, in being the person you want to be.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because some no longer fit your life. Shut a certain door, shake off the dust, plant another seed, wipe your windowpanes, or hold on to faith.
It’s ok. It is ok to move on at times. But do turn back and remember.
Some roads are meant to cross again, and they will...
And all shall be well."
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