SOMEWHERE BOUND boey kim cheng
(for a traveller)

I didn't know how to talk to you.
You, so far away, but leaning
into me, your face framed
in the opening of the well
I'd been brooding in
for years. This morning,
caught again like a bird blown
off its tracks, bowed
like the tree I was sitting under,
by the same sky, and all beneath it,
I knew, for the first time,
the mystery in the way a ship moves
over the sill of the horizon.
Someone was towing it effortlessly
to somewhere which we call port.
I knew also that I too was moving
in that speechless field, and even if
I found the right words to shout,
it wouldn't break its vow of silence.
You had that lonely look
I must have worn this morning
and I, like that ship,
somewhere-bound,
afraid to wave.
I fumbled for a word.
You turned back, and then,
turned away forever.

In dedication: JC 1 Class of 2006
06A02, 06S03, 06S11

i had not known you long but the past 4 months have been one of the best in my teaching career so far. It could be due to the honeymoon sentiment all this while. Opps. Still, lessons with you were the stuff that i look forward to each day and your enthusiasm and energy (sometimes mulling despondency due to the afternoon heat) kept the hours going. I'm a better & happier tutor because of you.

06A02, thanks for the artsy and original insights and moody-swingy attitude you bring to our lessons. I fall back alot on my 4-5 years of coaching (arts students all this while!) to survive your unpredictable and wanton morsels of dry wit and collective restlessness. It will be hard to forget your collective cynicism and shameless ability to transform any GP lesson to a chat-show of sorts, b*!*hing (it's public, not pubic (!) domain after all!) about every imaginable darn issue under the mighty hot sun. Our whiteboard would be teeming with energy thereafter, you picking out concepts hinterto unknown, even to me! And slowly we divert from basic and oh-so--darn-dry comprehension skills to a no-holds barred discourse on various theories on Michael Jackson's ability to procreate. OMG. Long live A02 :) To Andy, Rebecca and Aisah, a special note of thanks for keeping me sane and stable all this while. You know why...Btw your class blog is one 'helluva' cool and so darn exemplary to the rest. It shows your purpose and unity as a class. Stay united, as always.

06S03, you bring to mind all the accurate prophecies colleagues have told me about teaching GP to science students. I am always assured that i need not run after you for assignments and that every good advice and tip would be digested, assimilated and well-heeded to the end. Indefatiguable and utterly non-pompus in voice and style, teachers will enjoy vocational longevity with you by their side. Work-wise, you are tops in stamina and positive addiction to deadlines and class concentration regardless of sweat, sun and ever-crushing timetables sitting on your shoulders. Your warmth and appreciation comes through always, in subtle, quiet ways. Thanks for having affirmed what i try to give and share, in more ways than one. When a lesson plan works out well with you, i always know it will work out beautifully for the rest. Never forget your untaPPed potentials (Nicholas, don't give me that look!) and to my incessant (go check the dictionary if you don't know the meaning!) and indestructible 'aunties' in the class, all the best to your PW. I know you will do a fine job, no questions asked. Did you manage to contact that aggressive nurse / nutritionist from AH or mRS cHUA? Quick, chase her like you do to most teachers...hehe. If only there were more classes like yours' , truly :)

06S11, you are the most openly affectionate and 'feeling' of the lot, never afraid to share your wildest humour as well as the things that cloak the heart. I have the ball of a time with you though sometimes the decibel level threatens to stretch my vocals to near exhaustion. Don't forget to use your mutant powers only when you feel threatened. With great power comes great responsibility as Spiderman (?) said. I have yet to meet a class that celebrates life so fearlessly. Your blogpage says alot of what you live for and it is good. To Tenniso, SloooooowLeeeee, Lady Lookz, Lao Beng, AudioShrieks, Cynico, Bros@Twinballs, Lord Stroker, PulleyBoy, BhangraWonder and the rest of the league, 'Prof' K (BA NUS, MEd Melbourne, PhD Pulau Ubin) will not forget you. Special thanks to Jae and Silvia (oi, you thought of taking over the real S Lim's place in WP one day?), who, like i shared before, will always remain my first ice-breakers of the class. To all, don't let your feelings rule your head always. Sometimes it is good to strike a balance. Thanks for teaching me what it means to live and be free once more.

------------------------------
footprints approach
to leave this place
of winter language

the eye moving a pen
across paper
a blank white field
of memory

the voice unlistened
( more poems) to mark it

-------------------------------------
ron seitz
(adapted) journals on merton

As certain as home...companions and habitats of heart.

There is the imitable Rena, spunky Helena, voluptuously humble Viv roaring away at Crystal Jade as we tore well-cooked chunky trotters and prawn-paste chicken with our collective humour, (lack of) glamour and many honest tears. They are a bold imprint in my life. I am blessed to be surrounded by strong and self-determined women, who have never failed to help me integrate myself as a person. They were there since i was 17 and we have journeyed many miles and distances, together. The deaths, closures, reunions and struggling hours of waiting and prayer which marked our lives are bound for heaven when all that is seen, questioned and held will be felt in clarity.

Sister Chris listened and understood that rainy morning when i met her. Like Father Casey, she said i have a gift for relating and relationship. Important and powerful gifts i need to claim as my own.

Assumption English was next. The stalwarts to old times were held firmly by Anna and Lichun. Anna weclomed me into her family and taught me to pre-fry crab and tanghoon as a prelude to claypot even as i was learning to toss freshly-fried shallots on boiled vegetables on oyster sauce. Baby David and Faith were lookalikes of their parents and Lichun came tumbling with old warmth and affection as we ate, smiled, laughed and shared till the wee hours of the morning. i cooked our breakfast of pancakes and honey-drizzled strawberries to start a new day to kick-start once more the age-old ties we have.

we took to the edge of light
will stay till the words let go
of the tree of waiting till body
remembers the winter route

it travelled one with soul
the arrival like gradual spring
uttering...

For Helena by Boey Kim Cheng

04A02: after farewell assembly, a final CT gathering...

A QUIET SPACE

When our lives meet
I can remember to be strong;
for you i quit despair, to hold away
those things that threaten dark into our lives;
letting those troubled leavings of the years
be brought to form,
letting them burn
like candles to the morning light.

Now, in this bright circle, see
how shadows may be dancing
their image of our new reflected selves.

If you would listen, hear
where discords end, new harmonies release,
the storms within us winding down to peace.

lee tzu pheng

Evening Prayer:

I am grateful to my students simply because they exist and because they are what they are.
I am grateful to you, O God for having placed me among them and for having told me to be their teacher. But finally, i am grateful to you, O God because i am now more often alone. Not that i run away from my students, yet sometimes i do not know myself in them. At other times, i find myself in them and with them. Indeed, spiritual direction is sometimes an experiment in recognition: they recognise something new in themselves and i in myself: for you, O God recognise yourself in us.

amen...

Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

Grateful for Family:

It's 2 weeks to departure. And closures and reminders come your way. Closures that are not quite an ending but a remapping of memory and gratitude to help you celebrate life and relationship on deeper levels of the spirit. I trace it all the way to my family most expensive dinner, ever... at Morton's. The bill came up to a whopping $1450 which my brother freely signed, noting a silent understanding that affluence and money were never meant to be a showcase of onstentatious acts or pride but quiet self-giving. I balked at the price and the initial suggestion. I also knew better, beyond my defences that it was my family, or rather my brother's way of marking a significant relationship which we had not taken time to foster as changes and hallmarks begin to ascribe into our separate lives. My nephew and niece was running around the dim and cosy corners of the restaurant while mom carefully observed the flaming aggressive heats grilled steak stacked on bundles of watercress, aghast that they seem unwashed. Dad tucked neatly into crab cakes. We also cast an equal glow of wonder on a live boston lobster only to make neat work of its peppersalt dusted claw later on. Add on 2 bottles of wine and the meaning of 'family' came like a headrush of sorts, clarifying beyond words what unconditional generosity meant to each of us. 'My cup runneth over', Helena said. I went home that night, and sensed a much awaited light breaking through, dispelling a well-hidden inner room of gloom and self-doubt i had build around me all these years. That trickle of light piercing those gaps of shyness and resistance. The darkness may still be there but it has gotten weaker. In looking for dawn, I know i have taken a step in the right direction.