You are always there above me, and I rise toward you in my mind. I shall go beyond even this force which is in me, this force which we call memory, longing to reach out to you by the only possible means to to cling to you in the only way it is possible to cling to you...But where will the search lead me? Where am I to find you? If I find you beyond my memory, it means I have no memory of you. How, then, am I to find you, if I have no memory of you?
when was the last time i said goodbye? i learnt as a child, when mom cried at grandpa's wake. years later, i returned to the cemetery for my uncle's burial. i stood, numbed in grief when cousin's body was brought to mandai last october. my aunts lean with their hands on the glass which separate our lives from his'. i never forget the wails that pierced the air, when his coffin moved to the furnance, never to be seen again. at sixteen, blackie was hauled to the pound. and no one told me so. i promised not to let bobby undergo the same fate. he lived his last life, riddled with cataract & paw cancer. at twenty-four, i put bobby to sleep. he never knew why. i held bobby tight even as he lay shocked...the whines...his cry... asking, why? at twenty-four, i wept bitterly as bobby laid limp on my arms. i allowed my own friend to die.
