landing... to a new start-----------------------

Thanks to all who went all the way to the airport to bid me well. I carry with me a chocolate of blossoms, one soft cow, a vibrating pillow (!) one big bird forever stuck in a yellow bolster, one fighter jet, many memoirs, a giant cookbook, a photo frame, a classroom of menus to sustain me in the months ahead.

Some ask why I did not cry. It was difficult to cry. Hard to make myself cry. The more they teased, the more artificial it became to feel what i felt. And I stumped my feelings and moved with the motions. Self-ridicule was the best defense when faced with such scenarios. I said I was born without tear-ducts. Gordon imitated in goodwill what I used to tease them about seeing men cry in cinema, whenever sad movies tug their heart-strings. I wanted to execute John till this very day for making everyone shout ‘Mr Koh, Don’t go’ just outside the departure gates. The police almost sounded the security alert. In all, it was a chorus of fun and I know some meant it at heart…i take and receive your coming in heart and won't forget the words and wishes which helped me to make a start.

So were the items that came as precious gifts…the many big and special cards, the boxful layered coat of surprises which S11 gave me, hand-made chocolate blossoms from Jae and gang as well as Hidayah…(I finished it all for you dear!), Fengrui’s and Reg’s fighter jet, 06A02’s purple cow (why purple I wonder?), Sandra's anchor-frame reminding me what teaching is all about... and not forgetting my Ct class (04A02) book of self-made menus to keep me filled and hungry when nights get cold. Wenjie and Mermaid’s Big Bird all made the leaving a little easier to bear... i know which memories i'll hold on to when the day is complete. Not forgetting the words and quiet faith from my family & kin whom i'll miss the most.

Why didn’t I cry…? I wondered to myself…perhaps many tears have already been shed quietly, and on my own, in a quiet church, on a solo walk...way before today’s gathering and goodbye. In these moments, i uttered the same prayer of thanksgiving i have continually and faithfully said all these years of my life, that no paths will cross by mere coincidence or accident, that God has ordained these days to pass, these new ties to forge, this hour of gratitude and giving way before other days even began. I too am a grateful recepient of this grace...6 generations of students turning up before and at the airport to say goodbye, to standing on my own and seeing my usually stoic dad, mom, sis and aunts tear amid a throng of noise and encouragement from my close friends... it was a loud send-off with many lessons to bear...a deep-seated reminder of Your presence in my life, You watchful over my life, as always through people, places and moments which mark my existence from the very beginning.

I know I can well move on with the blessings everyone has given me. To my students and friends; you once said I brought you life. I now say you have returned me to Life...

I have and will walk into an empty room. It’s a small and modest one. But your love, goodwill and memory will once more, litter the spaces I will keep for you in many corners of my present life, in the fresh corners of my newfound place and the prayers which link us together at the start of each new day.