hele who attended james' funeral penned this reflection when she had to scatter her parents' ashes to the sea, days after...
Today, my family sent the remains of our parents into the waters. It rained today but stopped when we were at Marina Pier at 3pm. It was a short ride out to the waters off Katong. A part of me felt I let my parents “down” for not caring enough to place them in the church columbarium. And yet, another part of me felt it was best for their remains to return to the waters …
I revealed to my family today of the purchase of my home. No reaction from them except a sense of relief that I have found my apartment. I begin to see that my sister has no perception of the hurt she has rendered … a possibility that she does not have the intention to hurt as I perceived or she is so self-centered that her consciousness is veiled. Eddie, I see that my life still goes on, with or without their understanding … but my acceptance is the first base of surviving through a grief. To wait and to want an apology … but how can that be if the person is not even aware of how the words spoken were hurtful … is utterly useless way to live my life. God has worked within me to realize that no matter who is the giver or the receiver of a hurt...the one given the grace of insight and of reflection must accept and move on … with God's given grace to forgive. So I did, today … Much that is given by Him, Much is to given to the other … I see today for me the suffering, the death, and the resurrection movements of my being in these episodes with my family … I was reluctant and yet He poured silent graces to help me through … to see this: my salvation from Him. In all, my purification journey moves on … As I carried the remains of my mother which was wrapped in a white cloth and then placed in an ordinary medium-sized plastic bag …
This was a person of whom I still have memories of … “not so good ones” … feelings for … “not so good ones too” … reduced to bones to be emptied into the waters. The two funerals of Irene and James also reflected to me how “little” I gave to my father and my mother for their funerals … how “rich” was the giving of the communities of Irene and James because of the friendship which bonded the people. Today, I felt the poverty between my parents and my self. Today, I see my own poverty and am ready to surrender all, indeed all, to God.
---- published with permission---
Today, my family sent the remains of our parents into the waters. It rained today but stopped when we were at Marina Pier at 3pm. It was a short ride out to the waters off Katong. A part of me felt I let my parents “down” for not caring enough to place them in the church columbarium. And yet, another part of me felt it was best for their remains to return to the waters …
I revealed to my family today of the purchase of my home. No reaction from them except a sense of relief that I have found my apartment. I begin to see that my sister has no perception of the hurt she has rendered … a possibility that she does not have the intention to hurt as I perceived or she is so self-centered that her consciousness is veiled. Eddie, I see that my life still goes on, with or without their understanding … but my acceptance is the first base of surviving through a grief. To wait and to want an apology … but how can that be if the person is not even aware of how the words spoken were hurtful … is utterly useless way to live my life. God has worked within me to realize that no matter who is the giver or the receiver of a hurt...the one given the grace of insight and of reflection must accept and move on … with God's given grace to forgive. So I did, today … Much that is given by Him, Much is to given to the other … I see today for me the suffering, the death, and the resurrection movements of my being in these episodes with my family … I was reluctant and yet He poured silent graces to help me through … to see this: my salvation from Him. In all, my purification journey moves on … As I carried the remains of my mother which was wrapped in a white cloth and then placed in an ordinary medium-sized plastic bag …
This was a person of whom I still have memories of … “not so good ones” … feelings for … “not so good ones too” … reduced to bones to be emptied into the waters. The two funerals of Irene and James also reflected to me how “little” I gave to my father and my mother for their funerals … how “rich” was the giving of the communities of Irene and James because of the friendship which bonded the people. Today, I felt the poverty between my parents and my self. Today, I see my own poverty and am ready to surrender all, indeed all, to God.---- published with permission---
2 comments:
the class screamed when we heard that you're gonna take us(again) in term 3. (:
'scream' of the roller-coaster kind or 'scream of the horror' type? the 2 are pretty near in meaning and by the way, who's this??? hehe.
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