opt over

dear readers and friends,

thank you for your good wishes and prayers for my buddy...it moved me to know you cared to ask and pray even though you have never met him in this lifetime. i will be flying down this friday to visit him and will carry your good thoughts for his quick recovery...it won't be easy considering that chemotherapy comes next...

the following is an update sent to me via email...

to all...my sincere thanks once again...

ed

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Hi everyone

I've drafted a roster to help us all work out when it would be useful to visit Julian. I'll send it as an attachment to this email, and you can flick it back to me with your own ideas about when you might be able to make it to Cow Town.

I'm finding it frustrating being so far away from him, knowing nothing more about his condition that I and others can elicit from hard-worked nursing staff.

I've just finished another call. The fact that he was sent back quickly to the surgical ward (Ward 2) bodes well, and I've been told several times that the pain management is working on the whole and that he's having fairly good nights. An epidural isn't being used for pain relief, which is also good news. His throat was knocked about by the tubes, but I'm told that it's improved enough now to allow him to speak, albeit slowly. It's hard to imagine Julian speechless!!

There's no sign of infection of the incision, which is further good news. He's being blitzed with antibiotics, of course, and apparently the risk of infection may remain for a while after he's withdrawn from the antibiotics.

Today I asked specifically about whether or not he's in good spirits. I was given a vague reply: 'It's hard to say.' My own reading of that comment is that he may be feeling down.

I just got a txt from him: 'Trying to feed directly to stomach at mo ... Exhausted but ok.'
Stuart plans to be there tomorrow, and then Eddie arrives, so at least two old and trusted friends will be able to be with him and keeping a close eye.

Stevan

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cancer

i share this note, which first reached me in fragments by phone all the way from nz, a day ago. julian is my childhood buddy whose friendship has remained steadfast over a span of more than 27 years...one of the rare kindred souls whom i may not contact for years and yet am able to pick up and move on where time and space permit...though some of our values may have changed over the years, we remain as loyal individuals who receive each other with warmth and generosity always...

my friend now lies in bed, waiting to receive surgery. and it's a major one. to those who may be reading this, please say a simple prayer to support my friend....

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Hello friends of Julian

Bad news. Julian collapsed on Monday evening and began vomiting blood. He was taken to Waikato Hospital and diagnosed yesterday. He's got stomach cancer. A tumor has been found, unfortunately alongside a lymph node. No other tumors have been found. He's not in pain now, and is in good spirits. He's been considering which of two treatment options to follow, and is inclining towards immediate surgery, followed later by chemotherapy. The surgery may well take place on Friday, and if not, Monday.

Stomach surgery has a 3% chance of mortality, though Julian's young age and general strength and fitness probably lessen that percentage.

Surgery will need to be followed by one or two weeks of convalescence in Waikato Hospital. He'll have rather a lot of pain, because the operation can't be done via a keyhole but only by a broad incision, or perhaps two broad incisions.
After another six weeks, if all goes well he'll be able to begin a course of chemotherapy.

The chances of a successful treatment are not strikingly good; only from 25% to 37% of people treated with surgery/chemo for stomach cancers have no problem with recurrence of the cancer after five years.

Julian thinks he'll stay in Hamilton for a while, to see whether he can manage after a few weeks to work part-time at the consultancy job he enjoys so much. If things get too difficult, he may shift back to Wellington. He's got three good friends in Hamilton: his flatmate Lauren, and Simon and Dee, but he's conscious that all three are very recent friends and that helping someone who's reeling a bit from chemo is a big job to ask of anyone. His most solid base of friends is in Wellington, so it might make sense to make the move.

I came up from Wellington yesterday, together with Gary. I'm able to stay here till next Monday. Gary will be able to come back over the weekend. Gary and I have talked about maybe alternating weekends after that, taking turns coming up from Wellington.

Cecilia has been deeply upset by the news, but is being brilliant; very supportive. The family has asked him to go back to Singapore, to get his treament there, where he can be supported by the family. Julian feels that he prefers to stay in NZ.

Eddie is going to come to Hamilton next month, when he has holidays from his school.

Julian has asked me to act as a sort of call centre in the meanwhile, and to send out email bulletins. He's finding it hard to cope with breaking the news. His mum, for example, immediately began pleading with him to go straight back home. He feels he has to put the emotions on a bit of a drip feed until he's sorted out his first few steps. Please txt or email me, though, if you'd like any messages passed on to him in the meantime. He's got a tough time ahead, and I know we all will be sending strong thoughts towards him, and in some cases prayers.

cheers, stevan

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Hi again

I'm just back at Julian's flat after another day back and forth to the hospital. Our boy is walking about now, and still in good spirits. Tomorrow he gets discharged for a couple of days, before going back into hospital on Sunday. The surgery will be on Monday afternoon.

He's had friends dropping in all day, and txts and phone calls, so feels like a star. Which he is, of course.
The likely timetable now, so long as all goes well with the surgery and the convalescence, will be chemotherapy beginning about the middle of July. He's planning to take up an offer to stay with Dee and Simon, whose house is near the hospital and who've got a bedroom with its own ensuite on the lower floor. They'll be close at hand. in other words, but he'll still have his own space. He'll also keep his room at Lauren's house until it's clear what will be happening in the longer term.

Stuart drove here from Kawerau to spend most of today with him, and among other very helpful things he went down to WINZ to start the paperwork of an application for a sickness benefit, which Julian will need if he's not able to manage two or three days of work a week. The sickness benefit is pretty meagre: $184 a week, but if things get too tough his family in Singapore can be a backstop.
He's decided not to go back to Singapore. His parents will fly to Hamilton about two weeks from now and stay for a week or two. He's not exactly sure it'll be a good thing, given that his relationships with them are fairly conflicted, and also given that his mother doesn't have a very good track record of nursing him when he's been ill! However, he's good at not taking shit, Julian, so if they end up feeling more like albatrosses around his neck than guardian angels he promises he'll send them packing. Cecilia and Julius are very staunch, but apart from them he feels that his close friends are his true family.
I'm staying in Hamilton till Monday. Gary will be here for the weekend. Stuart will come immediately after the operation. Dee and Simon will also be keeping an eye out.
The autumn days here right now are radiant, calm and magical, which helps him a lot, to0. He looks out of a window onto the orange, yellow and golden heads of thousands of trees.

Cheers ,
Stevan

help me pray...

Reports came in: a policewoman willingly breast-feeds the babies as if they were her own...these are the same children whose parents have either died or are too traumatised having survived the quake. Another states that amid the burial cries are faint wails of babies born amid tragedy and disaster; their parents giving them derivative names so as not to forget the quake and how their lives were returned and spared.

Lord, you are our beginning and end. Stay with us as evening fades and darkness reigns. Bring light and water to quench the thirsty... blanket to comfort the scared...the help of other human beings to restore your people back to faith...

prayer from last sunday's hymn..

God Beyond All Names

God, beyond our dreams,

you have stirred in us a memory,

you have placed your powerful spirit

in the hearts of humankind.

All around us, we have known you;

all creation lives to hold you

In our living and our

we are bringing you to birth.

God, beyond all names,

you have made us in your image,

we are like you, we reflect you,
we are woman, we are man.

All around us, we have known you;

all creation lives to hold you,

In our living and our dying

we are bringing you to birth.

God, beyond all words,

all creation tells your story,

you have shaken with our laughter,

you have trembled with our tears.

God, beyond all time,

you are laboring within us;

we are moving, we are changing,

in your spirit ever new.

God of tender care,

you have cradled us in goodness,

you have mothered us in wholeness,

you have loved us into birth.

All around us, we have known you;

all creation lives to hold you,

In our living and our dying

we are bringing you to birth.

Bernadette Farrell

numbed

China - Disaster - Earthquake in Sichuan Province - Aftermath
A woman cries by the coffin of a relative killed in the earthquake in Pengzhou. The official death toll from the quake is now 14,866 and at least 18,600 are still buried in rubbles across counties.

China - Disaster - Earthquake in Sichuan province

Firemen pull out a buried student from the building ruins, at Beichuan County, about 160 kilometers northeast of the epicenter, southwest China's Sichuan Province. Rescuers consisting of firemen, armed police, PLA soldiers and medical staffers were searching frantically for survivors in the rubble. At least 1,000 students and teachers were buried when the school in the county collapsed in the quake, and rows of apartment blocks in the town collapsed.

Myanmar - Disaster - Tropical Cyclone Nargis Aftermath

A man holds his dead baby, killed in Cyclone Nargis in Bogalay, one of the hardest hit regions in Myanmar. The Nargis cyclone which hit the country claimed 22,997 lives, left 42,119 missing and 1,403 injured as other sources claim the real death toll is closer to 100,000.

Myanmar - Disaster - Tropical Cyclone Nargis
Children drink powdered milk donated locally to Myanmar Red Cross in Myanmar cyclone hit areas. More than a week after cyclone Nargis struck, hundreds of thousands are still without access to food, water and medicine, threatening a health catastrophe that could increase the death toll 15-fold, aid agencies have warned.

text and images courtesy of corbis.com

in the bleak midwinter

it was autumn this time, last year, in melbourne. but i was already preparing for winter, the final season that would usher my journey home. i was preparing to receive my family and friends who would soon drop by, to help me name these seasons, birthed long ago, in my life.

autumn. winter. a rich kinship between seasons. imprints to life. one marks the fall of leaves; an age old call about mortality, surrender and letting go. and how the remembrance of such a prayer is worth its weight in gold. the other's inner life is best expresssed in a poem written by christina rossetti (1830-1894) adapted into song by corrinne may- on finding jesus amid the fall of winter's snow....i noticed the cars that whizzed by as she sang. it must have been chilly outside. the movements. the throng. the certain loneliness one feels when intermitten crowds stood by the sidewalks. still, she sat inside this cafe. recalled this christmas prayer. and God annoits her simple song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC9C5kHL884&feature=related

In The Bleak Midwinter

by Corrinne May

In the bleak midwinter...

frost wind made moan,

snow had fallen, snow

on snow, snow on snow,

in the bleak midwinter,

long ago.

wo

two words

lea salonga-

one of my favourite singers whose voice has graced the theme songs of major broadway musicals like les miserables & miss saigon...a touching and delightful clip of her wedding mass.

look what happened to the groom...and

look what she did...

when it was her turn to say her vows...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oMeYrmAem8

Two Words

In a while, in a word,
Every moment now returns.
For a while, seen or heard,
How each memory softly burns.
Facing you who brings me new tomorrows,
I thank God for yesterdays,
How they led me to this very hour,
How they led me to this place...

Every touch, every smile,
You have given me in care.
Keep in heart, always I'll,
Now be treasuring everywhere.
And if life should come to just one question,
Do I hold each moment true?
No trace of sadness,
Always with gladness...
'I DO...'

(instrumental)

Now a song that speaks of now and ever,
Beckons me to someone new,
Unexpected, unexplored, unseen,
Filled with promise coming through.
In a while, in a word,
You and I forever change,
Love so clear, never blurred,
Has me feeling wondrous, strange,
And if life should come to just one question,
Do I face each moment true?
No trace of sadness, always with gladness,
'I DO...'

Never with sadness...
Always with gladness...
'I...DO....'
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live, learn, dream...8 years in the making.

dedicated to pioneers of days past and present...
a draft of video clip prepared for college day may 2008

batches 2000-2007 ( i think...)...and going...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S42mdBuprMg

many ought to recall some of your college mates in this moving clip...the lives led, the stories shared and a life in the making...

there is something about the vernacular & unassuming voice adopted by every speaker in this clip...i was drawn and eventually moved by the humility shown...as if they never expected to go that far on their own, and succeeded doing so...in spite of the branding and false consciousness that inflicts much of our educational psyche here especially among students in different jcs.

the diverse journeys they took underscored the worth and inherent dignity every school struggles to impart on the life of each student. the fact that some do succeed in life is worth celebrating...to recognise that success need not be solely defined by paper qualifications alone is another truth worth protecting...

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recognition

Carl Jung once said how much he admired Christians because they saw Christ in the poor, in those who are hungry, naked, in hospitals and in prisons, and in those who are strangers.

But what he could not understand was that they could not see Christ in their own poverty.

Jean Vanier

poem. one

News comes that a friend of far away
is dying now

I look up and see small flowers appearing

in spring grass outside the window

and can't remember their name

'james' by w.s. merwin

animal anthropology

a delightful account that messes up (i always enjoy doing that in the gp classroom...) our perceived cognition / understanding about what constitutes animal 'instincts' toward predator-prey relationships as well as 'parenting' , 'foster-care' and 'motherhood' located within the animal kingdom

.......................................................................................................

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born premature ly and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve. After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops?

Take a closer look...you won't believe your eyes!!

Now, please tell me one more time...

Why can't the rest of the world get along?

----------------with deep thanks to shari for the story-------------

the wooden bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.

'We must do something about father,' said the son. 'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded, 'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. '

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Guilt and tears streamed quietly down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
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On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.

People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

pivotal passages

A relationship travelling only on the stream of remarkable experiences never reaches the stable shores of faithful love. Without the dreadful night of suffering from absence, faithful friendship remains an unknown land. We have to miss a certain friend badly a few times before we can discover who this friend really is.

* * * * * *

What I am really looking for, the person of my beloved with his or her feelings, longings and uniqueness, or my experience of the beloved? Am I looking for my spouse or am I looking for an erotic sensation? Am I looking for God, or am I seeking purely my devotion, a key spiritual rest or my psychological well-being? Am I seeking the other, or am I seeking my experience? If the latter is true, I may indeed speak of love, but what I am looking for is myself.

herwig arts sj : With Your Whole Soul: the Christian Experience of God

and i stopped expecting

and i stopped expecting for more, saw you as a God who couldn't give something you didn't quite believe in. the good times you blessed have made these needful hours disappear from my life.

i now come home, living, making up for lost time.

living by these margins, divided within the lines of faith,

the writing can barely sense the depth of a distant face

second life

a friend plans to leave her workplace for elsewhere. single, she is also keen to settle in another place, this time, within a new home to call her own. a note / sms forwarded, shared with someone known. it was no mere text message but a deep summon toward embracing the wider contour of life. my friend, you must go on as you have planned and i do support you! you are a good teacher and a valued person in your workplace. you will be missed. my question is ' would you feel the same if you were settled in your own nest with a beloved one?' we will never know. we need our own nest and be nestled with love life blossoming. a sense of completeness dawns.

we drive ourselves in want of "more" fulfilment in our lives...yet it is love and loving someone, a spouse or partner and soulmate who completes us. God created us so. Of course, i am speaking from my own story. i never planned my life to be this 'ending' - in solitude and nothingness (no family, no career, no validation). we do what we need to redefine 'the missing piece' to fill 'the hole in our soul'. i hear you as i have heard my own thoughts and driven my energy as you are driving today. my thoughts may not be as clear but i am in full support of you, my friend. Go and be confident always...

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inner secret lives

we've heard of the secret life of plants, insects and the like...

ever heard

of the secret or rather, the inner life of words?

many thanks to yvonne for the take :)

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PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters-

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters-

MOON STARER

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters-

THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters-

HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:

you rearrange the letters-

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters-

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters-

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters-

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters-

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters-

I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO is

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER