rest

good that the year is ending soon. am well rested. never felt so ready for the year ahead. it could have been due to my recent backpacking trip. there are times when a new surge of awareness emerges from within, a momentary freedom from a life of self-imposed constraint and regiment. the temptation is to move on, thinking that all came by chance or even by fate. i struggle to recognise the presence and lordship of Christ in the middle of all these tides and movements in life.

i pray still each afternoon or night when i fall down to sleep. grateful that the sinews of my body work in accordance to the dreams and journeys on the sky and ground. there are quiet leaps made, to the quick comfort of a forgotten childhood. sometimes, i can only look back in wonder on the years of loss and bereavment that mark my schooldays. there is a deferred sense of arrival in all this. an awkward space between a fresh discovery and the old nostalgic need to steal home a stolen dream.

i no longer feel alot for terms like year-end 'resolutions' or the 'happiness' wished for, on a year that has yet to be lived. there is only one stark and unsentimental truth to all this hapless pondering: that life has little meaning apart from the relationships we forge with ourselves and others. there is also a deep spirit to our common bond, an awareness that may wound or redeem us in the same instance. this opens up a road we may choose to take on or ignore...the risk that comes from our giving as. opposed to the safety felt in holding back or being wary of our actual needs