knowing death

"Dont worry about dying - that will happen successfully

whether you worry about it or not"

quoted from a buddhist monk

i am in touch with a former student whose loved one is being given palliative care for cancer. he rests in assisi hospice, a special place i used to visit during my undergrad days and shared carols with the patients there. all have passed away but their smiles and presence remain, among the familiar and homely corners that are there. reading his open account (http://shadyz09.livejournal.com/) moved me. i too, am suddenly reminded of the many sudden deaths that marked my childhood and some stages of my adult life. beyond the people who died, this encounter was marked by countless visits to funeral parlours, crematoriums, cemeteries and once, even a morgue.

i learn to experience death even before i go. to me, that is a privilege that saddens, humbles but also frees me tremendously. over the years as a teacher, be it for lit or gp, i also conducted learning journeys to these resting places, perhaps a subconscious desire to help my students confront and befriend an inevitable part of life whom none can escape. i remember one particular trip where we stood, silenced by the sight of a simple a balloon above the gravestone of a child. it read- 'happy bdae, son.' often, to the uninformed, there is more fear than peace when it comes to the thought of death. death seems to sever all ties with the living. the pain of leaving our loved ones behind imparts a deep anguish that cannot be put in words.

on the other hand, it also makes us want to live life more intensely, grateful for every waking moment; be it a walk up a flight of stairs, sharing a great meal with people or simply, trying to capture rain, through art or photography. i experience my fitness, my vision and my imagination in these moments, convinced of my spirituality as a person, capable of every emotion that makes me reflect, think and feel. when every degree / work has been gained, all salaries spent and all loves expressed...this final stage and some say, 'takeoff' , leaves us in wonder, for more...we want to see what lies behind the veil of our existence...our soul against an open sky...tinted in blue rarefied air; a canvas inscribed with a promise, that very dream that lays waste will become whole again. and our joy, will be complete.