“I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel,
who even at night directs my heart.” Psalm 16:7

Why, O Lord, is it so hard for me to keep my heart directed toward you? Why do the many little things I want to do, and the many people I know, keep crowding my mind, even during the hours that I am totally free to be with you and you alone? Why does my mind wander off in so many different directions and why does my heart desire the things that lead me astray? Are you not enough for me? Do I keep doubting or demanding your love and care, your mercy and grace? Do I keep wandering, in the center of my being, whether you will give me all I need if I just keep my eyes on you?

Lord, I make more demands on you than what you do to me. I have even learnt to impose my own timelines on you. How naked is my ambition and how slow am I to realize that!

Please accept my distractions, my fatigue, my irritations and faithless wanderings. You know me more deeply and fully than I know myself. You accept and love me with a greater love than I can ever hope to love myself. You even offer me more than I can desire. Look at me, see me in all my misery, neediness and inner confusion and let me sense your presence in the midst of turmoil. All I can do is to show myself to you. Yet, I am afraid to do so. I am afraid that you will reject me. But I know – with the knowledge of faith – that you desire to give me your love. The only thing you ask of me is not to hide from you, not to run away in despair, not to act as if you were a relentless judge.

Take my tired body, my confused mind and my restless soul into your arms and give me rest, simple quiet rest. Do I ask too much too soon? I should not worry about that. You will let me know.

Amen.

Adapted: Henri Nouwen’s A Cry for Mercy