running again

i wanted to do stationary runs in the gym on mondays. i drove to macritchie instead. first time by myself, alone on the road. i left right after school. in my mind- been almost a year since i stopped outdoor runs, having confined myself to a threadmil. post-hospital fears. i was afraid the pain might return once i lay my feet on hard terrain. i stretched, put on my shoes and took a light jog round the boardwalk. i was alone most of the time, save the families of macques and the lone couple that walked by. i ran for 3omins and gradually acclerated with no sign of pain on heel, shin and back. i felt good...think i'm ok now. i trudged on sunlit routes, relished the crush of leaves on the base of my shoes. i jogged to the edge of a knoll, reaching the close of day, a simple happy man. and waters lapped quiet beside my feet. there is spirit in the leaves that rustle song... i smell evening in the air. so grateful i can run again.

birch trees, seasons white

Late Spring

Coming into the high room again after years

after oceans and shadows of hills and the sounds of lies

after losses and feet on stairs

after looking and mistakes and forgetting

turning there thinking to find

no one except those I knew

finally I saw you

sitting in white

already waiting

you of whom I had heard

with my own ears since the beginning

for whom more than once

I had opened the door

believing you were not far

w.s. merwin (b.1927)

remj

be still, this time

as your note finds a place

in my hands

your words invite me home.

you used the word 'honour'

to remember me and the times spent.
i come back today, light one candle and pen you this prayer.

be still...

this grief now tears

for you

blessing: prayer for new home

Constellations by rev lynn james

We find our way in the dark

using light from the lives of others.

Their sufferings and celebrations

are like constellations in the midnight sky,

orienting patterns above the horizon.

Tracing their paths through the night,

we connect our stories to one another;

circling together, we turn toward morning...

in memory: ho yi xin (08S04) 1991-2009

i taught yi xin last year. she was a hardworking girl who put alot of thought into her assignments. once, i praised her eom and pi as one of the very best scripts received. she wrote about the journey of illegal migrants from myanmar and how to go about addressing their plight. she articulated her case well and penned her thoughts in flawless english. it was an original reading which no one talked about. she submitted many scripts and wanted that perfect piece. but she walked alone most times. her hands always clutching her bag, as if there was something else she wanted to unravel in her heart. once, she asked me where i studied, what i majored in uni, what i like to read. and in that second, i sensed she was looking ahead, eager to forge her own future. she was always a private person and did not share much with her classmates.

there was no time nor place arranged to mourn her loss. her life became ash in a moment...eighteen years of growth and struggle, gone.

Lord. may your perpetual light shine on yi xin always...

lead her home...to find the peace and acceptance she longs...

amen.

intercession

i read about their lives. and these are two persons whom i pray for. i hope to stand in solidarity with them as they battle the ravage they find within or the tyranny that opts to lock them in. there is only the fierce love that comes with dark suffering, and the gravity that draws its power from love; to feel for your own country and know what needs to be done for the children when daylight breaks.

may our classrooms not become cloisters to keep us safe from a greater world where justice and charity are borne with hope and pain...when knowledge and wisdom are understood in light of their ability to know and heal... our smile as a path to rest...delighted we will find courage to own our mission in the the years to come.

tree-heart

ken's granny passed away on a tuesday. loved, loving...in dedication-


a sky crumpled and silent... and this cold rain. God may take the sun away. but the tree of grief still stands. we rest under. and pray. an imagined faith made perfect in memory. leaves fall and draw me to a faraway home. to our shelter and past. these albums, the pages of our stories, to be held and noticed once more. i read the lines you penned on its symmetry now that you are no longer there. listening, and missing you, i long to be a child again.

Grief by carol ann duffy (b. 1955)

Grief, your gift, unwrapped,

my empty hands made heavy,

holding when they held you

like an ache; unlooked for,

though my eyes stare inward now

at where you were, my star, my star;

and undeserved, the perfect choice

for one with everything, humbling

my heart; unwanted, too, my small voice

lost for words to thank you with; unusual,

how it, given, grows to fill a day, a night,

a week, a month, teaching its text,

love's spinster twin, my head bowed,

learning, learning; understood.

----- to furanshi------

three friends

we've known each other since 1992. one of my best friends. edward left a good career in family medicine for the catholic priesthood, to be a different healer in ways we least expect. last sunday, he flew to rome to continue his studies. it will be three years before we meet again.

f's relationship crumbled after many years of commitment. it's hard to begin again.

cons completed a musical recently. i watched her sing her lines from the depths of her own heart. the stage broke open that same heart...we learn what it means to forgive.

a shower's just fallen. from my window, i see old trees renewed, fresh with rain.
they grow still,

grateful,

present.

they learn to receive.

and every tree has its past.

life goes on...

we hold your journey safe with us

travelogue- jun 09

'born of stars, how can we not burn?'

mount kinabalu-sabah, east malaysia

imprisoned by cycles of rebirth...

buddha looked, and understood.

cheung chau, lamma island- hong kong

the dead learns to rest.

while we pause, and love what remains.

khao lak, thailand

beginnings

never knew i would hold an art exhibition in my lifetime. i thank my teachers joanna, kowling and my community at heartspace for the opportunity to share our works on this occasion. i am moved by the support and presence given by my family, colleagues, former students and lifetime friends who turned up to celebrate our journeys with me.

all pieces were sold and some asked if i was happy to 'achieve' this. unknown to many, i flunked art at o-levels and these three days turned out to be a way of letting go a burdened past that scarred me somewhat...i wished my art teacher was here.

on a deeper note, 'achievement' isn't really the point. i was just happy that all of us took courage to share our stories through our works. many took time to read, ponder and listen. that was enough for me. it motivates us to continue painting and sharing our experiences of life, wonder and Christ with others who come our way.

beyond monetary affirmation. my teacher shared once that every painting has a owner out there, looking for that one piece. they know it when they see it. and will readily adopt it into their home...

i like that.

private faith

in our anguish we struggle

to elude him, to lie to him, yet his love observes

his appalling promises; his predeliction

as we wander and weep is with us to the end.

minding our meanings, our least matter dear to him.

w.h. auden

i learned, i learned, when one might be inclined

to think, too late, you cannot recover your losses-

i learned something of the nature of God's mind,

not the abstract creator but he who caresses

the daily and nightly earth; he who refuses

to take failure for an answer till again and again is worn.

patrick kavanagh

line of trees in may

leaves fall on the month of may. it was almost three years back when i last caught maples dusting the air with applescent . and recall story of lives covered in autumn reds.my hands listen for rain.

where trees in gold

rewrite dreams once more.

drawn by grace...

dear friends...

a group of us will be holding an art exhibtion at nus cultural centre from 26-28 june 2009. we'll be sharing pieces that we have been working on for the past year or so, depicting our experiences and interpretations of life and our journeys. this is my first.

personally, i feel quite intimidated, having to share my works with more experienced artists. i have not forgotten my sad grades for o-level art as well! it's good to exorcise these demons for good and step forward with hope and courage

please drop by if you are free. looking forward to your quiet support.

for more info visit -
www.stmary.sg/paulthemusical/artexhibition

a shining life

i enjoyed myself thoroughly at the recently-concluded raffles dance night where students showcased their best award-winning performances shown on syf. the delicate power and sensitivity for the piece depicting the experiences of japanese comfort women was spell-binding to say the least.indian dance's shakthi and another modern piece, ecstasy was equally inviting with broad strokes of indian feminist mythology and contemporary macabre igniting the soul.

what would our world be like should dance be spilled on the byways of our strait-laced city life, beyond the ndp orchestration that we see annually? this happened in antwerp, belgium. i couldn't care less if it was a staged event or not. it tells me so much about our common capacity for delight as a human community, a fact often drowned amid the intellectual discourse that sadly covers up our potential for playful celebration against the imposed monotony of industrized & 'contemporized' existence.

avila

Simone Weil has described prayer as a patient waiting with expectancy. It is a paradox of tension that combines the absence and the presence of God; the already and the not yet; the returning and the going; tender loving possession and the agony of searching for the lost...

george maloney: alone with the alone

missing gp...

a note from a fellow educator in light of the ministry's latest directive related to aware saga...there are days when a subject holds far more potential than some are willing to admit or correct their own preconceptions in light of reality.

Here is the 'offending' note...not featured in mainstream media.

Offend? Does it?

I Teach General Paper, not Homosexuality

With all due respect to the well-meaning “concerned parents” out there, this is starting to sound like a dodgy GP essay to me.Apparently, because my students and I “discuss topics such as the legalisation of gay marriage and parents of the same sex forming families through adoption” in class, I am guilty of promoting homosexuality.

Right.

But never mind. MOE has already come to the rescue with their statement that “GP lessons are meant to promote critical thinking” and GP teachers “should also adhere to social norms and values of our mainstream society”.

Oh yes, apparently one can facilitate critical thinking, that is, the reasoned questioning of assumptions, norms and values AND fully reinforce and adhere to social norms at the same time.And wait, I see this again, in the debate on sexuality education and just what should be said about homosexuality:

1. Homosexuality is against the social norms and values of mainstream society.

2. Homosexuality is illegal and considered unnatural under Singapore law.

The first thing any student of GP (or indeed, any human being who knows anything about world history) will realise, is that social norms change. Secondly, if you insist on going by “mainstream” values and beliefs, you may like to follow 43% of Singaporeans and look to Buddhism, which views homosexuality on neutral grounds, as opposed to Christianity (15%) and Islam (15%).In any case, the legal argument will only hold as long as homosexual acts are considered illegal in Singapore.... and judging from the force of change in the world, frankly my dear, you can't hold the dam for much longer.

Singapore's law criminalising homosexual acts is based on British law – which decriminalised this in 1967.Other countries which have decriminalised homosexuality include France (1791), The Netherlands (1811), Brazil (1830), Ottoman Empire (1858), Germany (1871), Japan (1880), Italy (1889), USSR (1922), Denmark (1930), Iceland (1940), Switzerland (1942), Sweden (1944), Greece (1951), Thailand (1956), Israel (1963), Chad (1967), Canada (1969), Kosovo (1970), Australia (1981), South Africa (1994), China (1997) etc.

This shows an increasing acceptance that personal preferences that do not harm anyone else should not be governed (in this case, criminalised) by the state. As with the wearing away of all other forms of inequality, I believe this discrimination of homosexuals cannot last.So what are we left with?Are we justifying a brand of education with reasons that won't hold weight for much longer?You may argue that making something legal doesn't make it right, and you have a point. But then that would depend on what you consider “right”, which really is a moral issue and one that concerns personal belief.

So I have two points for you:

1. Personal beliefs – religious or otherwise – should not influence the laws of a secular society. The onus is on parents and preachers to educate their children in these beliefs. Say what you want at the pulpit, not in Parliament, and certainly, do not foist this responsibility onto your child's teachers in secular schools.

2. It is unfair, impractical and dangerous to insist that youths be given only the old rules when they live in a completely different world. Parents, if you insist on a black-and-white moral education for your children, you only drive them into secrecy when they need you most. If teachers cannot teach openly and factually, rest assured that the internet will.As an educator and maybe future parent, I admit I am less concerned about whether my children are homosexual/transsexual/(fill in the blank) or not, and more concerned that they should always respect others and themselves, never discriminate, always critically examine issues, always feel free to share their thoughts with me without fear of condemnation, always love and always be loved no matter what.

This is my hope.

Lisa Li
11 May 2009

PS. If you think your children will rush to become homosexual/transsexual/(fill in the blank) because of my words, I THANK YOU for crediting me with such influence! By the way, your children are smarter than you think....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

there are teachers and there are educators...

To all the Educators I know-

Commonsense and a sprinkle of creativity work the magic,

on days when theories or warnings fail...

Lipstick in School

(You've got to love this principal..a true story)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane was recently faced with a unique problem.. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers....

and then there are educators.